Ive always loved this song, but after hearing the words again this morning, it was just fitting that I include it here. This blog is my journey....becoming closer to fine.
No, Im not cyanotic....this is the color polish my 5 year old picked out for me when we had our pedicures last week. This pedicure thing isnt really a regular happening in my house as I feel it a bit over the top for a 5 year old to get a pedicure, but Chris and Carson wanted to go see Tron and that just wasnt remotely on my list of things I would really like to do, I would actually rather eat my own eyeball, so off we went to Nails So Happy. Yes, this is the real name of the establishment. My nails are so happy and moreover, I dont have to keep my toes curled under as to avoid anyone looking at my obvious disregard for self care. With all the yoga Ive been doing, the self care of the feet is gonna have to be part of the weekly maintaince because, well, because its frankly embarrassing to look at.
Chris and I have laughed at this lineup of running shoes in my closet many times over the past several weeks. I call it my "wall of saddness"...he calls it my "wall of running shoe personality disorder". There is really no common theme here, just a few pairs of shoes for 3 very different runners, but somehow I own all three. Sadly, they sit alone, unused while I play yogi for the next 6 months. How is that going for you , you may ask....its an adjustment to say the least. I found myself single parenting over the weekend and realized that I couldnt go to a class for 2 days, no sitter, etc, etc. Getting back into the groove on Monday was a struggle. I think 2 days without yoga for me is too long. I did a "two a day" practice yesterday for the first time ever and boy did I feel it. I didnt intend to practice twice, it kinda just happened. Today, I hurt, all over....inside and out...physically for many reasons, internally for even more that I will keep to myself, because that is my story and Im good at that. That may be enough material for another blog entirely. Physically, my muscles are mad as hell! I have pushed them to the limits since Monday-DOING YOGA. If you think that this is an oxymoron, step in to any power vinyasa class and find yourself being led on a physical journey that pushes you to show up on your mat for yourself and show up outside of the studio for those around you. The biggest bodily complaint today is my left big toe (bunions, gout? ooh! more body issues to add to the big ole list on my chart) . I cant even begin to figure this one out...maybe another day. Mentally, this yoga experiment has forced me to dig deep inside of me. It is amazing to me that when I practice, it is a true and honest representation of my life off the mat. The way I practice on the mat is directly influenced by how I am living my life off the mat. My fears of failure crop up each time I lean back too far and find myself unsteady, my need to push shows up when I refuse to give in to a pose and begin to suffer, my need to control shows up when I start holding my breath when things get nasty. Its all there....on my simple black yoga mat....maybe this yoga experiment isnt just about maintaining the old me, maybe it is about creating the new me.
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